Thursday, August 14, 2014

my (not so big) secret.

I generally like to find some research to back up my blog posts, especially the ones where I have an opinion or feel a certain type of way about things. Unfortunately, the only research I was able to find (granted, I didn't comb through the internet like I would for a major paper) implied that there is something mentally unstable about people like me.

Ha, ha. Go ahead and have your laugh, but this is not true.

People tend to think, especially with women, that if you do not show affection you are cold, uncaring, mad at them, or "you weren't loved enough as a child, and therefore you must not know what love is because why won't you give me a hug/kiss/hold my hand" and any other equally wrong assumptions. People just can't understand that cold, hard facts.

Some people just aren't physical touch oriented. Or maybe they are, but just not with everyone. But it certainly doesn't mean that the person isn't capable of love. Or that they aren't showing it. Maybe *you* aren't showing *them* you love them in a way that they can feel it.

I, for one, was raised (mostly, my siblings were born when I was 8-ish) as an only child. I was loooooved, doted on, and the apple of my (respectively, divorced) parents/stepparents eyes. On my mom's side, I was required to kiss my aunts on the cheeks and go hug everyone in the room every time I arrived somewhere and again when I was leaving. Needless to say, I was not neglected. But I did it because I was told, not because I wanted to. And when people stopped telling me to, I stopped doing it. This ended up blowing up in my face because then people caught on to my not living for hugs and kisses, thus establishing my reputation as a heartless bitch. My wonderful sister did not help this at all when announcing to my family once that "Alicia doesn't like to hug or give kisses." I could hear the crickets chirping that day. Sidenote: telling people I don't love hugs always reminds me of the episode of Friends where Chandler has to admit that he doesn't like's hysterical.

Let me clarify. I do not dislike physical touch. I'll never turn a hug away, and I'm much better than I used to be about understanding that others need this kind of affection. I'm also much better about it with people I'm extremely comfortable with. But I'm just not very likely to initiate it, and by not likely I mean, it won't happen unless something traumatic has happened.  I am a words of affirmation person through and through, which most people know about me. I will compliment and consistently reminds people of their positive qualities until I'm blue in the face.

I know I've blogged about this topic before, and I'm sorry for boring your to death with it again, but it keeps coming up in my life and that of people around me.

If you're not sure about your Love Language, I HIGHLY recommend you take the test and then read the book. But at the very least take the test.

Here's the link to the test:

Mine are:
Words of Affirmation
Gifts of Time
Gifts of Service
Physical Touch

Blog Playlist:

1. Garth Brooks- Low Places
2. Dixie Chicks- Cowboy Take Me Away
3. The Cardigans- LoveFool
4. Tracy Chapman- Give Me One Reason
5. Alanis Morissette- You Learn
6. Backstreet Boys- I Want It That Way

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