Friday, February 21, 2014

the job always comes first.

Since I was a kid, I've had both positive and negative examples of a successful life, and what things a person has to do to be successful in their life. And, don't get me wrong, I am well aware of the fact that what one person may consider success is not the same to another, or that money doesn't buy happiness and whatnot, but ultimately, you have to choose which way your life is going to be divided, and more importantly, which one you value more.

I, like many people, divide my life into two parts in my brain. My job (work and all things work related), and my personal life (family). More often than not actually, I find myself thinking about this great divide in my brain. If only one of those has the ability to be stable, and functioning throughout my life, which would I choose? If someone were to dangle my job over a cliff and my personal life over an erupting volcano, which one would I save? I'm always reminded when I think about this, how in the Deathly Hallows Xenophelius Lovegood is telling the story of the Deathly Hallows and he asks Ron, Hermione, and Harry which item they would choose to have...and they all answer differently, all based on their emotional needs and desires.

For me, the decision is simple. I would save the job, every time. I realize this may sound cold hearted, and I truly hope people don't necessarily view me as that way, but I was born and raised seeing what no steady job and no career looked like. I know how that directly impacts the personal life, especially the family. I have seen that struggle, and though they might, a family will be hard pressed to survive when a job is gone, or someone hates their job, or has the stress of perhaps losing their job. 

I have the drive to focus on one thing and to do it well, and the second thing is on a close, but second back burner. I pour my heart and soul, everything extra I have into doing my job, and doing it well, because it is what I hold closer to me than anything else. My family may not be getting along, I may have argued with my sister the night before, but none of those are reasons to come in and not teach, or plan, or prepare my own students for life. I go the extra mile in doing my job, because where would I be without it? 

Without my job, I wouldn't be able to do the high majority of things I want, choose, and am able to do in life. I wouldn't be able to help my family, or educate myself further, or prepare for a future down the road where my priorities change and my career is no longer #1. 

I have also been highly fortunate to have two places of employment where I have created a family of sorts. There are people I spend my free time both inside and outside of the school with, because I want to. And to be fair, there's a high possibility that because of this I would choose my job over my personal life. When I go to work, yes, it feels like I am working. But when there is a moment of free time, or I have nowhere to rush in the afternoons, it doesn't feel like working, it feels like hanging out with my work family in a school. 

Funnily enough, it has gotten to a point where I have very few friends outside of work. I try to spend time with them, but it is 1,000 times more difficult, especially when their lives are vastly different from mine. It works out sometimes, but most of the time neither of our schedules are empty around the same times. Men who have tried to date me end up falling prey to me and my ridiculous schedule and priorities, a lot of which will end in May when graduate school is over. 

At the end of the day, helping my students reach a better point in their lives and helping them move out of their rut is my main focus, changing lives in my area is my goal, and I will choose that over anything to do with my personal life any day. 

"look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, work like a boss."

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