Monday, February 21, 2011

slacker reveals all...

I've been slacking in my blogging duties. But to be honest, I have a totally legit reason. I didn't have wifi where I was staying, the internet cafe was no where near my place and it seemed rude to just drop in on my aunt and just use her wifi all the time. Hence, blogging was at a minimum.

That being said, I'm ready to go home now. I've fulfilled my purpose by completing this journey and I'm quite impressed and proud of the way I handled the few but feather ruffling situations I've managed to get myself into. But I've made my point, enjoyed myself, and I'm ready to be back home. I miss my friends, my dogs, my car, my family, and I miss my safehaven of a room.

People always talk about how one day they just realized they were an adult and they don't really remember how it happened. It's not really like that with me, I've gone through two points in my life where I knew I had grown as a person. The first was the summer between my sophomore and junior years in high school, and the second has been the last 10 weeks. The first phase brought on a realization that petty things didn't matter and that I needed to get my life figured out for college and the future. I succeeded there. This second phase has been interesting because I can literally feel it coming over me...I can only compare it to being under the water in the ocean and still being able to feel the wave rush over your body. Especially in the last few weeks I've been thinking about my future. Things I want, things I don't care for, and how to go about getting what I want. It's been interesting because usually I would have someone to talk to about these thoughts, but I've pretty much been facing them alone across the pond. I've realized that I have 4 main goals for the next 3 years. 2 of which I will share, the other two are rather personal and I will hold myself to my word to make them happen.

Assuming I get a job for August, (which I'm depending on)...I want to work and learn the ropes of my profession and do the best I can for this year. While I'm doing that I plan to take more PRAXIS tests so that I can be further certified for high school history and literature. The real first goal is that I want to go back to school in August 2012 to get my masters. The second goal is that I want to become independent. I want to have a house.

Having a home to me means more than almost anything. I've always been told what to wear, what to say, the kind of manners to have...and very few times have I been able to decorate and have a crucial part in what goes into a room in my current house (this is understandable, as it's not mine) but I've always wanted to have my own space aside from my room to do with as I wish. I want to learn what looks good in certain rooms and what doesn't, I want to be able to have game night at my house with my family and friends, and I was to have a home where people feel comfortable in. Especially me. It means a lot to me, since I've been a product of constant commotion where living arrangments are concerned.

I know it will be hard, I know it will be miserable at times, but I feel like I have no room to complain. If I was a person who wanted to "roll in the dough" so to speak, I would have chosen a different career choice. But I'm not and I'm determined to make the best of what I have because it's a hell of a lot more than a lot of other people.

Speaking of which, I've educated myself further in the way of literature whilst I've been on my trip. I brought 3 books on my Nook thinking it would be enough. I lied to myself. I've now reread 15 books that I luckily had on my Nook. My three favorites so far have been, Pride and Prejudice, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, and Little Women. They have all affected me in different ways, but so far Little Women has left the most positive outlook on life and holds the best moral values, though Holmes was more entertaining, and Austen was a great love story.

"Money is a needful and precious thing,--and, when well used, a noble thing,--but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for. I'd rather see you poor men's wives, if you were happy, beloved, contented, than queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace." -Mrs. March


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